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Bunny's Lair

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Another quiz Jul. 8th, 2005 @ 06:39 pm
You Are 53% American
Most times you are proud to be an American.
Though sometimes the good ole US of A makes you cringe
Still, you know there's no place better suited to be your home.
You love your freedom and no one's going to take it away from you!


Another quiz Jul. 8th, 2005 @ 06:34 pm

Your Slanguage Profile

Canadian Slang: 75%
Aussie Slang: 25%
British Slang: 25%
Prison Slang: 25%
Victorian Slang: 25%
New England Slang: 0%
Southern Slang: 0%


I'm taking quizzes now. Jul. 8th, 2005 @ 06:28 pm
I'm Dream!
Which Member of the Endless Are You?

Lyrics 4 Jun. 28th, 2005 @ 08:56 pm
"Maybe he'll notice her now"

She wrote, I feel just like that painting collecting dust on the wall
And every day you walk right by me and don’t know I’m there at all
And I can’t think of one single reason why I should be hanging around
She signed it, I hope that you’ll miss me, and she drove herself out of town

Maybe he’ll notice her now, maybe he’ll open his eyes
Sometimes it takes somebody leaving for a man to realize
Maybe he’ll tell her she’s the only thing that he can’t live without
Now that she’s gone maybe he’ll notice her now

When he came home late that evening, he called her name down the hall
He saw the outline of the painting that used to hang there on the wall
And in it’s place on the nail was a letter, he read it out loud to himself
And the loneliness began to take over and for once he knew just how she felt

Maybe he’ll notice her now, maybe he’ll open his eyes
Sometimes it takes somebody leaving for a man to realize
Maybe he’ll tell her she’s the only thing that he can’t live without
Now that she’s gone maybe he’ll notice her now

He called her up, he said I have been such a fool
She said I will come back and boy I still love you

Maybe he’ll notice her now, maybe he’ll open his eyes
Sometimes it takes somebody leaving for a man to realize
Maybe he’ll tell her she’s the only thing that he can’t live without
Now that she’s gone maybe he’ll notice her now

I’m coming home, maybe you’ll notice me now

Lyrics 3 Jun. 28th, 2005 @ 08:45 pm
"Enough is Enough"

It's raining, it's pouring
my lovelife is boring me to tears,
after all these years

No sunshine, no moonlight,
no stardust, no sign of romance
we don't stand a chance

I've always dreamed I found the perfect lover
but he turned out to be like every other man
our love, our love

Raining (raining)
pouring (pouring)
there's nothing left for us here
and we won't waist another tear

If you've had enough,
don't put up with his stuff,
don't you do it
If you've had your fill,
get the check pay the bill,
you can do it

Tell him to just get out
nothing left to talk about
pack his raincoat show him out
just look him in the eyes and simple shout

Enough is enough
I can't go on, I can't go on, no more no
enough is enough
I want him out, I want him out that door now

I've always dreamed to find the perfect lover,
but he turns out to be like every other man
our love (I had no choice from the start)
our love (I've gotta listen to my heart)
our love (tearing us apart)

Enough, is enough, is enough
I can't go on, I can't go on no more no
enough, is enough, is enough
I want him out, I want him out that door now

Goodbye mister, goodbye,
goodbye mister, goodbye sugar

No more tears
no more tears
no more tears
I've had it, you've had it, he's had it, we've had it
enough is enough is enough is enough

is enough is enough is enough is enough
is enough is enough is enough is ENOUGH!!!
Other entries
» Weekly update, I guess.
Well, it was a pretty good weekend. I spent Friday night and Sunday learning some tantra and some Imago type therapy at a workshop. I wish I had made it to the Saturday workshop but my own subconcious seemed to interfere. I slept through two hours of my alarm going off.
Work has been busy so far this week but I am staying on top of things and since I have Friday off, I can look forward to a very long weekend.
On the downside, as you could probably tell from my choice of lyrics to post, I am not in a very posisitve frame of mind right now. I have not spoken to my husband since Sunday night, just before he left to go to a Solstice party at Neo's. Our schedules don't really line up well anyway but neither of us has put any effort into trying to make contact since then. He hasn't called me before leaving for work and I will be damned if I will be the one to reach out this time. I have always been the one doing the reaching and I am just tired of it right now. Especially since he has been such a crabby, unpleasant person recently. I get enough of that from my clients.
I have been practicing the breathing and energy work I learned last Friday and it has left me feeling pretty good physically, despite the unholy heat we have had recently. At least it cools off in the evening so I can sleep. I have also been catching up on my e-mail. That is something that I let slide over the weekend. So far, no responses to the barrage of e-mails I sent out last night. I did finally get a reply from my dad to a poem I sent him for father's day. he isn't much for words but I could tell that it touched him. it is such a shame that both my parents are not really comfortable with their emotions or the emotions of others. It creates a wall that keeps others from getting close. I have really been trying recently to overcome the gulf that is between us and has been since I hit puberty. I have lost too many loved ones to not try to be closer to those that are still left. It reminds me of a quote from Arthur C Clark, it goes something like "Why do we give our hearts to people with shorter life spans than us?"
I plan to go to a discussion of the book 'The Ethical Slut" Wednesday night. It should be fun. I have learned a bit from this book so far, despite the fact that I don't totally agree with the authors. This may shift as I get further into the book. It will be a nice way to unwind from a day of back to back staffings where I am likely to get pilloried by GAL's for not doing enough for our mutual clients. That just don't seem to get the idea of "Independant Living" and expect the caseworkers to do everything for the clients just as they when the clients are in foster homes. I have tried until I am blue in the face to explain that the point of this program is to teach them and then get them to do things for themselves. Add to that, my most motivated and competant client is dying. She won't live to see 30 and next week I have to take part in a staffing where this is made clear to her. I keep hoping for a miracle but they seem tobe in short supply right now.
Oh well, I can keep praying and lighting candles while contacting every specialty clinic in the city. Maybe something will some up.
» Lyrics 2
"Watch me Walk Away"

The more I needed, the less you gave
I guess you thought that it worked that way
You never would listen
And now that I'm leaving
You're not believing
A word I say
(Chorus)
Oh, If you think I won't go
Watch me
Oh, watch me prove you wrong today
You don't even know you've lost me
You think I'd always stay
Oh, just watch me walk away
Don't tell me that it can't be done
That the world is colder without someone
Yeah, it might get lonely
It might get crazy
But this time baby, I'm as good as gone
(Repeat chorus)
Cab on the street
Hand on the door
Bag at my feet
Need I say more
Oh watch me
You don't even know you've lost me
You think I'd always stay
Oh, just watch me walk away
Oh, just watch me walk away
(Repeat chorus)
Yeah, if you think I won't go
Watch me
Oh Watch me proove you wrong today
You don't even know you lost me
You think I'd always stay
Oh, just watch me walk away
Oh, just watch me walk away
» Lyrics
Songbird sings from the heart
Each word can tear you apart
I sing - you sing along
You find your life in my song
When you need the strength to carry on
You've got me to turn to
With the songs that I sing
And the magic they bring
They've helped you be strong now
The song sets you free
But who sings to me
I'm all alone now
Who sings for songbird
Sometimes
When I'm all alone
I sing my saddest song
Lonely, and no one can see
This time the song is for me
I can touch your secret place inside
And still you don't know me
With the songs that I sing
And the magic they bring
You've learned to be strong now
The song sets you free
But who sings to me
I'm all alone now
Where is my songbird
Who sings his song for me
» Outside perspectives
Sometimes it really does take the perspective of someone with some distance to allow a person to see their situation clearly. I have always been a booster of having to be involved to really understand something but there, apparently, is such a thing as too close. Despite my ability to analyze situations, I have recently found that it was only when I sought and outside perspective that I could really put together all the pieces that were floating around in my head. A new goal in my life is to make sure that I always have and seek outside input on trying situations.
I am currently feeling great. I got completely caught up on my paperwork on my job today, which makes me feel more secure, as that has been the only problem that my boss has been bringing up. I was a bit upset because I got written up on this issue on Monday, despite the fact that I had already made great strides in clearing up the backlog. To soften the blow, my supervisor talked much about the things at which I am good and which make me invaluable in my job and that the write up was dated from a month previous when the issue was mentioned to me. I still took it hard but am now recovered.
I have decided to get my LCSW this summer. I am hoping that I will be able to take a review class at Loyola, not so much for the information, as for the guidelines and mindset of the test makers. I have spoken with several people that just took the test and they all recommended a review for that reason. Apparently, the answers sought on the test are not necessarily the "best" answers but the ones that the writers think are best. I hate tests like that. I could probably pass it anyway as I had a teacher like that in my Masters program and I still got a "B" in her class, despite the fact that we thought very differently on most issues.
I have been of the opinion for awhile, that I was slowly sinking into "madness', "depression", or just plain unable to copedness ( I know that isn't a word), but I had a friend tell me tonight that I have actually been getting better for a month or two. The improvement apparently started just after I had a complete meltdown and engaged in a hour or more of primal scream therapy on a campout. At that time I was told that I was trying to ground out too much energy and that self impossed blocks had caused it to backup to the point that an explosion was called for to relieve the pressure.
Life is looking up on many fronts, especially since I have taken steps to distance myslef from others that have been a serious drain. My hope is to get back to where I was before this long slide started both physcially and mentally. It is a shame that my resolve has coincided with a jump in the daytime temperature. The heat is really putting the squish on all my good intentions. No A/C in the house and a regularly high body temperature really make it hard for me to do much other than join the cats in front of the fan.
» Hard Questions
One of the great and awful things about working in social work is that you really can't avoid the hard questions in life. It doesn't matter how good you are at hiding them from yourself, when a client asks them and you try to answer them or help them find the answers, you end up facing them yourself.
A case in point, I have a client that is going through difficulties with her child's father. They have a child together and have been "dating" for four years. He sleeps around and has fathered at least one other child with a different young woman. She says that she really loves him but doesn't feel the he feels the same, although whenever they disagree, he works overtime to make her feel secure. She is confised about her feelings because she loves him but is also hurt and angry with him. When she is willing to open up about her feelings, this is the only topic of discussion, so it is apparent that it is consuming a lot of her mental/emotional energy. I am in the position of being responsible for helping her sort this out while at the same time, I am in the same boat myself. It makes things sticky because I don't want to project my own feelings on her. She won't accept a referral to another person for therapy. It has taken me more than a year of constant contact and casework to get her to open up at all. This leaves me with the opinion that I must get my own house in order, so that I can live up to my obligations as a caseworker/therapist.
I ran into this same situation when I was interning at Ravenswood Hospital. The primary therapist was in the process of losing her husband of 10 years to a fall from a roof and she was suffering a great deal. Three interns were assigned to work with her in her groups, one of which ending up focusing on loss and grief. After the group session, she took the three of us aside and royally reemed us out for not providing more support. The other two interns just looked at her and said that they had not realized that she needed support. I honestly answered that I found myself unable to offer support because I was dealing with the same issues myself and I didn't know how to work around my own emotions. We met and spoke at length later as she shared with me her advice on how to work around personal emotion. We also spent a lot of time doing some non-professional sharing to assist each other with our grief. I don't have that option now. Now I am the primary with no support. I use her advice alot and say prayers to the goddess of thanks for letting me work with her.
How do you know if a relationship is dead beyond repairing? How do you know what to do when it is? Hard questions for which I, somehow, need to find an answer.
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