Since my last post I have lost my last job, gotten a new job that is currently temporary but may end up permanent, had a family of five move into my home, and spent a lot of time working on my personal demons.
Just on a larkm I retook one of the blogthing quizzes that were a part of my last entry and I find the changes interesting.
|The Keys to Your Heart|
You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free.
In love, you feel the most alive when your lover is creative and never lets you feel bored.
You'd like to your lover to think you are stylish and alluring.
You would be forced to break up with someone who was ruthless, cold-blooded, and sarcastic.
Your ideal relationship is open. Both of you can talk about everything... no secrets.
Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.
You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred.
In this moment, you think of love as something you can get or discard anytime. You're feeling self centered.
I am slowly recovering the self respect that I allowed to slip away and seeking to become comfortable alone, or at least to no longer feels desperately unhappy when I am not part of a partnership or group or family.
I am currently reflecting on regret, the whys and hows and whats. At an intitial glance it is a nasty emotion, full of pain and laced with no small part of self loathing. It is not uncommon to hear the young declare that they will never regret their decisions. I can clearly hear myself saying this in the past. It is a part of liberty/freedom, that an adult be allowed to make decisions and deal with the consequences on their own, good or bad. Does this view of freedom also dictate that a true adult will not feel regret when dealing with the long term consequences of decisons? I guess that is the central question that I will be pondering for a bit. I like to pride myself on being a free adult, but I am finding that, more and more, I look at my past and feel regret for choices I have made and wonder what my life would be like now if I had chosen differently. Does this mean I am growing up or getting old?